And in todays “Why do I do a job that involves speaking to strangers when im shite at both a) speaking and b) strangers”
Man: “My Dad’s from Scotland”
Me: “Oh sick! Where abouts?”
Man: “I dont know, he’s dead”
Me: “Ah okay. How is he?”
Its Monday - of all days of the week, Monday is not the day I want to be shown a blog of someone I know posting pictures of their dick. No day is that day. No. Nope. Ctrl+Z.
It’s probably just 2am and the eerie quietness of my room talking here, but here’s a crazy thought:
Everything we enjoy and are good at in life, our drawings, writing, music and arts. Our struggles as a species through equality, overcoming poverty, the plight of incurable diseases, natural disasters. Our connection with other people, humour, companionship, love.
Someday the Earth won’t exist as we know it. The people, animals and plants will die off. And in the everlasting timescale of universal eternity, nobody else will have witnessed or recorded in history how beautiful all of our lives really are.
I rarely change my Facebook profile picture, but when I do, I asume that everyone who ‘likes’ the picture is throwing some sort of public DTF towards me. Obviously thats not the case (probably?), but in my head im going to keep it that way. Some number between 99-100 is the percentage of people I want to get on when they like my picture. Im going to draft up some kind of standard letter:
"I see that you have liked my profile picture, and hereby assume you’d like some horizontal tango activities. Please reply with a rendevous time and date and I shall see you there"
In reality its a real select few amount of people that I rarely talk to that I’d 100% get on, but dont converse with normally so have no idea what to say in general.
What am I even talking about? This is the stupidest fucking post ever.
In other news, I’m now a lab rat. I signed up to be a part of a clinical trial and Ive submitted myself today to the most lethal of them. A week today im getting screened and providing everything goes smoothly, 2 weeks after that I’ll be poked and proded for 3 nights in confinement. This drug has never been used on humans before, so Im hoping iit works out so that it can help people in pain. Part of me is hoping something goes dramatically tits up with me, but I shouldn’t really say that should I.
And its in these scenarios past midnight that get to you the most. You can keep your body as active and busy as possible, but there is no escape from the mind and your solitude in these moments each night. There is no escape from the instruments in your head. I believe your mind is a separate entity from your body - one that tries to trick you, pull you back into that all too familiar dull ache, and when left alone inside the four walls of your skull there is no turning that voice off. There is no mute and standby, only the willpower to tolerate it until you fall asleep and are once again trapped in the torment, taunted by dreams that feel uncomfortably real when you awake.
Highly detailed Earth illuminated by moonlight over Saudi Arabia.
(NB: having my own gaff again means im not living in a room with multiple people which means MASTURBATION OCLOCK, EVERY HOUR, EVERY DAY)
So I’ve been here 10 months tomorrow and thats me just unpacked and settled into my 3rd place - this ones a 2 story house Its cosy, not over the top, but just what I need. I have wifi for the first time in months (!!!!!) and tats all I have to say today.
You see the problem with living in a hostel, being wound up and wanting to frick frack is EVERYTHING.