I am absolutely sick to my stomach with worry. I’ve never thought much about myself, ever, but I genuinely think this is the first time I’ve cared entirely about someone else’s wellbeing before my own. I can’t think straight, I feel sick.
I’ve become super, super close to someone here over the past two months, and her situation makes me feel a type of deep lingering pain that I’ve never felt before. She’s in an inescapable situation that is the type of horrific you read about only in news articles and fiction. Twice I’ve had the phone in my hand ready to dial the police but I know I can’t get involved and that makes me feel a level of helplessness that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I care so much about her and knowing what shes going through, what’s she’s taking from another human being on a daily basis, makes me ache inside. I have never felt this type of sadness.
I am inside Albany.
WHY AM I SO FUCKING AWKWARD oh my fucking god the most unreal cringeu thing happened today. Yesterday when I finished work the girl the works in dome, basically aussie weatherspoons, came and gave me a note saying I should come check out a play last night and that she was gunna be there. Was she hitting on me? I don’t know. Well I got SO high earlier I was in like another dimension (I’m still in space) and I got a taxi to buy munchies and I was standing staring at crisps for ages AND SHE CAME DOWN MY ISLE so I freaked out and did this SO FUCKING OBVIOUS turn away from her thing hxisjsjxs I don’t know why and she smiled and said ‘didnt see you last night!’ and all I could say was ‘sorrrrrrrryyyy’ and kinda melted into myself and this isnt awkward as it sounds but I’m dying.
Just left work 5 hours early to go get high. I’m a snoop dog song.
Unliking and reliking someones reblog because it’s that good.
I follow a very, very select amount of people on this. If I follow you, you’ve either got
1) a really good blog
2) a really good face
So I was supposed to be coming home in September, a 3/4 week return to see friends, my Mum and have a grand old laugh with Darrell, but in the past few weeks I’ve decided that I’m not, and I’m not coming home for a very long time.
I’ll be sat in my bedroom in my mums house realising nothing has changed. I’ll be glad everyone is happy and healthy and yes, people have gotten new jobs, boyfriends, engagements, etc, but part of me will be screaming “don’t you understand how much I have changed”? And I don’t mean hair, weight, dress or anything else that has to do with appearance. I mean what’s going on inside of my head. The way my dreams have changed, they way I perceive people differently, the habits I’ve happily lost, the new things that are important to me. I want everyone to recognize this and I want to share and discuss it, but there’s no way to describe the way my spirit evolves when I’ve left everything I know behind and forced myself to use my brain in a real capacity, not on a written test in school. You know you’re thinking differently because you experience it every second of every day inside your head, but how do you communicate that to others?
You feel angry. You feel lost. You have moments where you feel like it wasn’t worth it because nothing has changed but then you feel like it’s the only thing you’ve done that is important because it changed everything. What is the solution to this side of traveling? It’s like learning a foreign language that no one around you speaks so there is no way to communicate to them how you really feel.
I’ll grow hungry for the people who speak the same language as me. Not English or Spanish or Mandarin or Portuguese, but that language where others know what it’s like to leave, change, grow, experience, learn, then go home again and feel more lost in your hometown then you did in the most foreign place you visited.
IT’S ALL A BIT B*LLOCKS, REALLY:
Who are you?! Reveal yourself trickster.
First day back to my old employers, Team Leading a new charity on a roadtrip. Fucked Fred Hollows right in his gammy eye socket today, 6 signups by 2pm! Boshhh.
And on the seventh day god said ‘stop fucking reblogging your own selfies pussy’
Old school follower! No need to be anon, let’s be pals. I did a shitload of research on weed and weighed a lot of things up. I still massively agree that it’s a gateway drug - absolutely - but then I gave it a bash and getting high is fuuuun. Still haven’t touched anything else though - never would.
"See how it’s coming up to the 20’s again? But like 2020? I think everyone should dress like they did in the 1920’s!"
Or alternatively we could all be riding about on robot dinosaurs that shit bluetooth and wifi connect to our hoverboards. FUCK YEAH THE FUTURE.